Words, Words, Humor Me

Posted by: Richenda at Monday July 23, 2012 in

Okay, so sometimes the straw gets to me and I need to let off a little ideological/philosophical steam. Well, here it is. Words, as I’ve said before, sometimes think too much of themselves. I am here to destabilize them! It is a good reminder that life doesn’t have to be so serious.

Below find a list of words I’ve encountered in my recent reading that begged for a little redefinition. :-) I will undoubtedly be adding to the list.

Alescence – the yeasty, beery smell that fills an entire room whenever a pair of dirty gym socks are removed from a plastic storage bag and placed into a hamper.

Axiological – the dilemma of a person possessed of an ax (while simultaneously dispossessed of their wits) who is contemplating barbarous action, in this case with said ax, to solve an immediate problem. Lizzy Borden, for example, engaged in an axiological dilemma just prior to murdering her parents.

Chaosmic – The state of deep physical satisfaction that results during and shortly after an episode of enthusiastic lovemaking performed in total darkness.

Discriminanda – The disappointed sigh emitted by a mega-fauna lover after they click on a link or links labeled ‘Cute Panda Pic!’ only to discover the cat-like mammal depicted in the photograph is not the Giant Panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) they had hoped to see, but is instead the Red Panda (Ailurus fulgens), a small, less-appealing, non-relative. (Also see Discriminandum.)

Discriminandum – 1. The carefully etched graffiti-like scrawl pre-printed onto commercial drumsets in an effort to appeal to young consumers. 2. a last ditch effort made by modern Rap music artists to rhyme with ‘memorandum.’ (Not to be confused with Discriminanda.)

Explananda – Splenda sweetened banana smoothie used primarily for purposes of exfoliation.

Indiscerpible – 1. The state of ‘Authoritarized Intactness’ that results from the use of a looping neck and chinstrap, often bejeweled, attached to the underside of a Crown, and used primarily by Kings, Queens, Despots, Potentates, Debutantes, and High School Prom Courts to secure the Crown of Office to their heads thereby protecting their entitlement from random or premeditated snatch-and-grab usurpage. The neck strap also protects against decapitation. 2. Defensive strategy whereby a Crown wearer tilts his/her head so that a strategically placed ‘Crown Jewel’ may reflect brightly enough to blind an attacker. This technique of using bright light emitted from the forehead was borrowed for use by coal miners as a defense against the darkness of mining tunnels as early as 1850.

Perichoresis – The paralysis (and occasional rash) that seizes an expectant father directly following this question from his expectant partner: “Which shade of Periwinkle should we paint the nursery?” Possibilities of periwinkle, usually a light bluish violet, might include ‘Light Periwinkle,’ ‘Soothing Sky Periwinkle,’ or ‘Periwinkle Meadow.’

Propaedeutic – of, or like, a larval or pupal phase platypus. Preferably one native to historically held German territories.

Representamen – White stick figures applied to the back of a minivan or SUV, usually depicting an, often, Christian family unit usually including pets. Generally connoted by non participants to be boastful of traditional family relationships and mainstream values but problematic in this regard as mainstream families no longer fit the stereotype. Alternate spelling: resentamen.

Self-Othering – Any of a series of maladies stemming from distractedness, overwork, senility, or mental illness. Symptoms include talking to oneself, in particular referring to oneself in the third person while engaging in self soothing or self denigration, delusions that tasks left undone one has already completed, forgetfulness concerning specific facts relating to personal identity, such as favorite foods, colors, and the placement of car keys, disruption of self-care, such as irregular bathing and inability to recall whether or not one has eaten lunch, and the sudden, traumatic shock upon seeing one’s reflection in a mirror.

Spatiotemporal – the condition that arises when one searches for a pair of spats, unworn since the 1950’s, that have inexplicably disappeared.

TelicChief Engineer on the Star Fleet Starship U.S.S. Kitty Hawk. Alternately, the deceased best friend of Nylis Zokrat, Sith Assassin.

Theologoumena – Intricate ballet and trial-by-ordeal performed on a rolling log by virgin prima ballerinas (in tutus and pink satin toe shoes), while keeping their chins parallel to the ground and their eyes fixed devoutly heavenwards.

Theomachy – Greek variation of the popular sushi maki roll, traditionally prepared with an Enuma Fish, which is dipped vigorously into an ‘empty space’ so that small particles, in particular the Higgs Boson, might adhere to it.

Thirdness – The bitter resentment experienced by a youngest sibling who, having failed to beat his older brothers to the dessert cart, must accept the smallest, least appealing portion of cake.

Trikonic – A ‘writerly,’ self-invested, and overly clever “twist” ending to an unproduced screenplay. The ‘trikonic’ or ‘trick’ ending is generally defended as both ‘ironic’ and ‘mind-blowing’ by its author.

See this image, Smell No Evil, in a larger size.

And, in honor of Harvard’s new slip of papyrus:

(Read the article and the story of Jesus’s wife, here )


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